It’s OK to not have all the gender answers, principals told

Secondary School principals who have students questioning their gender were told it was OK not to have all the answers.

There’s not a script and “you won’t get it right every time,” Mary Haddock-Staniland (Tainui) told the Secondary Principals’ Association Conference at the Plymouth International in New Plymouth.

Haddock-Staniland, called a voice of change for trans women, was interviewed by her former teacher, Vaughan Couillault, president of the Secondary Principals’ Association New Zealand and principal of Papatoetoe High School.

“I think firstly, it’s about understanding the landscape, every single school in this country will have a different situation,” she said.

“It’s not a cookie cutter approach. I think listening to your community is key. I think, creating safe spaces for your students and the parents as they navigate what the next few years are going to look like.”

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Every school will have a different approach, she said.

“You don’t always have to have the answers. And I think it’s OK to not get it right straight off the bat. Meeting people halfway is important. Be opened minded. It’s OK to be uncomfortable.”

“You know, it’s about fear. I think we get so caught up with not getting it right, you’re going to get it wrong. We are human, you are human. It is OK to get it wrong. As long as the intention is not to upset.”

The Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging Specialist was born in Taranaki and moved to Matamata when she was four. The family later moved to South Auckland, she said.

Growing up was “pretty horrible”, particularly at school, she said.

“I think I learned how to have a really thick skin and know the value of not feeling like I belong. I didn’t throughout my entire education. Yeah, I don’t recall a day of my entire schooling where I wasn’t bullied. And not just emotional bullying, like, actual physical nastiness, really.”

And there were times she thought it would be better not to be here.

“I didn’t have a telephone at school. So I never got the abuse like kids get today. But for me, could I have made decisions back then that would have meant that I wasn’t here today? Yes. But I would have missed out on a pretty fabulous life, so.”

The conference runs until Wednesday, May 31. On Tuesday, Haddock-Standiland will be running a workshop on diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging.