Haunted Mansion: Disney’s load of loud, kinetic nonsense that’s also quite fun

Haunted Mansion (PG, 122 mins) Directed by Justin Simien ***½

Haunted Mansion is another crack by Disney at adapting a theme park ride into a movie.

That worked out brilliantly with Pirates of the Caribbean, for the first film at least – and died in a ditch with the misguided Jungle Cruise. I reckon Haunted Mansion falls somewhere between the two.

On the outskirts of New Orleans, the mansion of the title is an ancient pile that has been unoccupied (by anyone alive) for decades, when doctor and single-mom Gabbie (a very subdued Rosario Dawson) and her adorable nine-year old Travis decide to take it on.

Too late they realise the various dead denizens won’t be letting them leave anytime soon – and their only option is to call up an exorcist, a ghost-photographer and – later – a psychic and an academic.

With the crew of six now all trapped, the search gets underway for a clue as to what the ghosts might need them to do – and why the ghosts are stuck there themselves.

Haunted Mansion is a load of loud, kinetic nonsense. But the cast – LaKeith Stanfield (Get Out), Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito and Jamie Lee Curtis – are all visibly committed to the project. There is some major comic firepower in that line-up and – between them – they wring every possible laugh out of their lines. Cameos from Hasan Minhaj and Winona Ryder also don’t hurt at all.

Around the players, veteran production designer Darren Gilford (Star Wars: The Force Awakens) and cinematographer Jeffrey Waldron team up with director Justin Simien (Dear White People) to give Haunted Mansion an absolutely beautiful presence on a big screen.

Maybe the story wasn’t ever going to be enough to really grab my attention – and that’s fine. I’m just not in the intended audience – but the level of detail and the number of gags that Simien and his crew pack into this film is a joy. The score by Kris Bowers (Green Book) rips along and drives the storytelling where it needs to go.

It might seem odd that Haunted Mansion is turning up in cinemas in the middle of our school term. The film is a guaranteed crowd-pleaser for the 8-to-12-year-olds and any grown-ups who get dragged along won’t find it too arduous either.

In the USA, the summer break is just coming to an end – and I guess the distributors there are squeezing this into their schedules hoping they still have a week to find the crowd who have already watched Barbie two times and still have the budget for one more family outing.

In a month or so, when our holidays get underway, Haunted Mansion will most likely already be streaming on Disney+ and any hope of ticket sales will be long gone.

Which seems like a shame. On a TV, I’m not sure I would have appreciated Haunted Mansion. But on a cinema screen, with a proper sound system pouring the noises in from all angles, this film really pops. (And before you jump into the comments to tell us how big your TV is, dude, no one cares. A cinema still kicks its arse.)

Haunted Mansion won’t be troubling the award ceremonies next year, and the critics will mostly turn their noses up at something so nakedly corporate and crowd-pleasing. But there is heart and wit here – and what looks like a desire to make this film, within the crushing parameters that Disney will allow, as much fun and as gorgeous to look at as possible. And bravo for that.

Haunted Mansion is now screening in cinemas nationwide.