Making peace with the small business and parenting juggle

Rachel Klaver is a marketing strategist, specialising in lead generation and content marketing.

OPINION: If you’re a small business owner with children who are school-aged or younger, I am writing to you from the future. As of two weeks ago I have no children at school after my 17-year-old decided to switch to university, three days into Year 13.

In the same week, we also went from having two of our three children at home to one (the aforementioned 17-year-old).

And I can tell you straight. The weight of all the doing of parenting, when it’s gone? Wow, there’s so much extra time to get things done, and so much more space in your head. I’m already trying to work out how I managed for the 22 years before this.

Like so many parents (and this will be skewed towards mothers because I am one, and the bulk of the female small business owners I work with still also carry the lion’s share of the parenting on top of running a business), I started my first business after the birth of my first child.

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I remember the day I walked into my classroom as a teacher and did my own internal mathematics. I could either hang out with these 29 six-year-olds for a year or quit and find a way to earn money while spending more time with my baby. I gave my notice the next day.

That was the beginning of my self-employed and small business life. Since then I’ve run solo, small team, and larger team businesses, with only two short-term stints working for another business. And through it all? I was a parent of three girls, trying to balance raising them with providing for them (I was a single parent with full custody for eight years from when the eldest was five).

As the only person bringing in income from the moment I quit teaching, I also needed to work to pay the bills, feed everyone and keep things going. Like so many of my clients, I needed to work for more than the money. I needed the stimulation and the break from the dross of parenting life. I wasn’t a natural at “endless tea parties”. The constant treadmill of washing, cleaning, and organising was not my idea of a life well lived!

I used to call myself a bad mother because I didn’t love that stuff. But now I’ve got these three incredible children, who are all so able and doing cool things, I realise that my “bad mother” coping skills were in fact helping us all survive and thrive.

One thing I still see is a weird judgemental idea that a business built around the needs of our children is not as proper a business as one that is run by someone who doesn’t need to do that at all.

In my eyes, a business is a business if it’s making money, it’s profitable and it’s meeting the goals you set out to make. Sometimes the small “built around kids” businesses I’ve worked with have been incredibly profitable. Some of those business owners work far less than 40 hours. It’s still a valid small business.

One of my favourite sayings in business is “no one can see your calendar” If you choose to block out a day a week for hanging with your child, school pick-ups or even all the school holidays that is completely valid (personally, I definitely preferred not taking all the holidays off. That is also OK! I’ve always liked working in my business full-time. My brain needed it).

As my children grew, I made a list of what I did to help me find space between the business side of my life and the parenting side. Not everyone is the same, but these are suggestions that have helped my small business owner clients who are also juggling it all with raising a young family.

Do something every day that’s just for you

This can be super small. Sometimes my “just for me” was parking around the corner on the way home, and pulling out a book to read for ten minutes, before walking in the door. Sometimes it was catching a nap between meetings, before the school run (I still love a nap). One year I went to a 6am boot camp – and the girls all came with me with thermos of hot chocolates and marmite sandwiches. I got fit. They still rave about it. We need to give ourselves some joy.

Keep some places at home adult-only spaces

Every night we’d transform the living spaces back into Mum’s space. A toy box behind the sofa and some quick sorting meant after bedtime was not kid time. And on that, it’s OK to have routines around bedtimes to help you stay sane.

Teach self-management skills early

Right from the beginning we faced the balance of work and parenting as a team of me and my three girls. They had jobs to do. We all knew if they helped with the jobs, then we’d get more time together. Were the jobs always done to a high standard? No. Did we all survive? Yes. The added benefit is now they have all the skills they need as adults to look after themselves

Have daily “100% attention on you” times with each child

In my busiest times, this was sometimes only ten minutes a day. The phone would go down, the laptop would close, and it was me and that one child hanging out. They know you are busy. Knowing it’s time you’re choosing to spend with them, counts. And they remember.

Consider family duvet days

As soon as one child got run down or sick, we’d normally all just take a sick day and rest. I found this cut down the risk of the others getting sick in a continuous loop, and with us all a little more rested, we tended to not get sick at all.

Have a “family notices and information time” every day

There is nothing worse than trying to work on a work task and discovering you were meant to sign a permission slip, bake a cake, or something else and it needs to be done now. We had a “family work in progress” meeting every day, and when the children were old enough, I taught them how to add information into my Google calendar so it wasn’t missed. Ironically they’ve all needed to use this skill at times while working for me as young adults!

Learn how to ask for help and outsource where you can

I’m still incredibly grateful for the nannies, au pairs, babysitters, and family help I got that made it possible for me to travel for my business for years. I quickly learned to outsource some of the housework where I could to give me more time with my children outside of business work. I learned to accept offers of help, and ask for help when I needed it.

Create really clear business/home boundaries

For much of my business life, I worked from a home office. I learned to create strong boundaries around people popping in (a perennial issue for those of us who work from home), around carving out a specific work area, and also around moving from work to a parenting head space. Compartmentalising can help you get the divide clear for everyone.

Learn the power of putting yourself into timeout

If you’ve got deadlines, stress with work, and you’ve got children having meltdowns, it’s likely you’ll be feeling pretty tense and overwhelmed! Introduce the idea of “parent timeout” and put yourself into it. Tell your children it’s your time to cool down, pop the timer on, and go have five minutes of peace. (Sometimes they even forget you are in there!)

It’s OK to really hate it all sometimes

Acknowledge there will be days you feel in control and sorted. And there will be days when nothing goes right. There will be days you’ll feel life is in balance and other days where it’s two worlds colliding. Learning to be honest with yourself, and reminding yourself it’s OK if not every day is perfect helps.

When I look back at those earlier days of parenting, I feel a mix of emotions. I definitely still feel a bit guilty for the moments I consciously chose work over a school trip. I also remember loving the moments I consciously choose time with my children over work. I regret missing the opportunities I said no to because I was a parent. Equally, I’m thrilled sometimes I found a way, and the children survived it!

If you’re a parent who struggles to get the balance of both small business and parenting right, be assured there is no such thing as “balance”. Instead, there is a long journey of little daily decisions, of you choosing each day what’s best for you, for your business, and for your children today. Sometimes we’ll get it right. Sometimes we won’t. That’s all we can do.

But I do promise it gets easier. And as it does, your business has more room, scope and time to grow into something bigger, if you want it to.