The modern break-up: What’s killing relationships in 2023

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Cheating, technology and the cost of living crisis are some of the biggest factors in relationship break-ups in 2023, experts say.

Two in five New Zealanders have had a relationship break up in the past three years, with couples councillor Stefanie Bullock saying cheating on a partner is one issue popping up time and time again.

“If you want a successful relationship, if you don’t want couple’s counselling, don’t cheat,” Auckland-based Bullock said.

Clinical psychologist Dougal Sutherland agreed with Bullock, saying the internet is playing a part in breakups.

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“Both cheating via the internet and porn addictions have been noticeable in the last decade,” Sutherland said.

Sutherland has also noticed an increase in break-ups after lockdown, related to people “getting sick of each other”.

“We’ve noticed more people reporting breakups when one or the other has a change in what they want to do with their life – often accompanied by a change in job or desire to move,” Sutherland said.

Finances, cheating and technology are the big break-up triggers in long-term relationships.

Stuff

Finances, cheating and technology are the big break-up triggers in long-term relationships.

Another big trigger is finances – including the cost of living crisis New Zealanders are having to deal with every day.

“Finances are always one of the leading stressors in a relationship and this will only get worse with the cost of living crisis,” Sutherland said.

“Financial strain can put a relationship under pressure and that’s when the cracks start appearing.”

Bullock likened breaking up to grieving a death, as you are losing someone that held such importance in your life.

“It hurts like hell, and it can be an extremely traumatic time,” Bullock said.

Dr Dougal Sutherland said it was important to look after yourself and seek support after a break-up.

Cameron Burnell/Stuff

Dr Dougal Sutherland said it was important to look after yourself and seek support after a break-up.

Sutherland said it was important to have people around to support you, particularly those who have experienced a relationship break-up.

“It’s often easier for them to empathise with your position and they can give you a sense of hope and that you can get through it,” Sutherland said.

“Also, prioritise looking after yourself – treat yourself to things you might not otherwise have or do.”

One fun way to look after yourself while attempting to move on is with Trade Me Break Up Starter Packs, a line created by TV personality Lily McManus.

Going through a break-up? These break up kits might be just what you need.

Trade Me/Supplied

Going through a break-up? These break up kits might be just what you need.

The packs are curated to help Kiwis to deal with their changing life situation, from working out and self-care to a new TV.

All proceeds from the packs go to Trade Me’s Kindness Store, helping Kiwis in need.

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